Ten Reasons Why I Voted for the McCain/Palin Ticket at the Last Minute

Like the sticker? Go get one! And as you mull over your voting decision, here are ten reasons why I voted for the McCain/Palin ticket at the last minute.

10. With gas prices the way they are, we can no longer afford to ignore the option of off-shore drilling. DRILL BABY DRILL!

9. Because I gross approximately 5,000 dollars a year, I need a president who will NOT raise taxes. Yes, I know that Obama says that he only plans to tax the wealthy, but I can't take any chances. My supersecret plan is to evade taxes, save my hard earned teaching money, and buy the next university I am at. Just think, "K the Professor" could help the Republicans win the next election! I could be famous!

8. Because Sarah Palin is much more qualified to be a Vice President than a talk show host. Besides, I like Oprah way too much to initiate that kind of competition for daytime viewers. The unfortunate byproduct is that we may not get a Sarah Palin book of "favorite things." Of course, we do know some of the things that would be in that book: industrial strength bear traps, snow-mobiles, nifty glasses, hip-hop dance lesson tapes (for the next SNL, you go girl!), a 20% off coupon at JC Penny, a super secret earbud so people can tell you how to say the right things without anyone catching on, a shotgun, political cliffs notes, Rosetta Stone (Russian edition) so that you too can brush up on your international relations if you find yourself away from the cosmopolitan state of Alaska for too long, an unused library card (they're free dontcha know!). . .

7. Because I have a car, and can therefore afford to drive over to my neighboring states to compete for high quality health care.
Plus, after we drill the #&@*5 out of Alaska, gas will be like, what, a nickel?

6. Because research shows that famous people's baby names catch on and we don't have enough Triggers, Trappers, GrenadeLaunchers, SoupLadels, and BearKillers in the world. If you read some of the earlier posts, a successful campaign would also mean that I have a better chance at getting B to name his unborn child Boomer!

5. Because I feel that Barack Obama played the political game unfairly. McCain and he agreed to use public funding only, and when Obama got wicked popular and received more donations, he used that money to talk about his plans for the future. Dang it! We need to stick to the plan here, and for heaven's sake no more talk about actual issues. McCain shouldn't have to sell one of his ten houses in order to buy primetime television airtime. Moreover, Cindy shouldn't have to sacrifice her next face stretch surgery in order for her husband to succeed. This is bogus, we need to stick to the possibility of Obama being and fraternizing with terrorists. THAT IS THE REAL ISSUE!!!

4. Because the dang voting booth is made for little people and I couldn't bend over far enough to reach the Obama/Biden circle. Seriously, they can have a sitdown chair for the elderly, but they can't raise a booth high enough for me to reach the ballot? I may have long arms, but I am rigid as hell.

3. Because we don't need hope in this country, nor do we need bi-partisan thinking, and we sure as shooter don't need anymore talking. We need people who recognize threats, challenge those threats to a shootout near the OK corral at high noon, whip out their bazookas faster than you can say "Wasilla," blow #&*^@! up (and anything that surrounds it), and steal the oil those terrorists have been hiding in their pockets. No more talking people, we have weapons, we are angry, and we need to use them.

2. Because, in my dream last night, Joe the plumber's @$$-crack told me to...I had to listen, he fixed my imaginary leaky faucet, which seemed to drip as though it were actually real.

1. Because I woke up this morning, went to the voting station and felt like a maverick!