Geriatrics Beatdown Elmo, seriously!

Yesterday, P and I had the distinct pleasure of celebrating our friends' son's second birthday party, and as you might expect we experienced the usual(ly wonderful) meal of pizza, pop, and cake, while witnessing the usual array of ridiculous games (pin the tail on the doggy, for example). You would also not be surprised to learn that since Maximus is a two year old, he had no idea what was going on with the present opening, which allowed us to make fun of his mom's high pitched squeals when she opened boxes containing a baker set, clothes, and some Canadian produced DVD for children (we got him the Letter Factory DVD to boost his literacy!). (my theory is that early birthday parties and Christmases are really for the parents). As the afternoon wore on, I contemplated taking my life with a balloon string after having to field multiple questions about when *we* were going to have "one of these little guys running around." However, I am glad I didn't grab for the balloon string, because as the party moved to the backyard, things got a little exciting and dare I say crazy!!!

Here's the short version. Stanimal, Maximus' dad, has a friend who lives in Chicago that brought down a pinata for the party. This pinata, Stanimal stipulated, must be from a Mexican grocery store (since we have Mexican grocery stores, why he couldn't get one from here is still confusing to me, but whatever). The pinata that Hector brought down was a massive Elmo that was the size of Maximus' mom Breezy. So, they strung up Elmo, hung it over the porch, and gave the string to grandpa to ensure that at least one person would get hurt when he pulled it up as they swung with all their might. So all the kids go up to beat down Elmo with a broom handle. Two year olds first, then the cousins who vary in age. They swing and swing, but the resilient Elmo would not break. The kids are getting impatient for the candy that they know is inside, so, what do we do? Instead of breaking open the pinata discretely, we hand the broom handle to Stanimal's grandma, Maximus' great grandma (he is mid-thirties, do the math) who proceeds to whoop Elmo's ass with an impressive fury. But! Elmo doesn't crack, so she gets tired and hands it to her daughter, Maximus' grandma, who then proceeds to whoop Elmo's ass further. Still, Elmo gives no ground. Hand it to the other grandma (same fury, same result). So they hand the stick to Breezy, who starts wailing away at Elmo only to have it unexpectedly swing in her direction and knock her down. Meanwhile, the kids are all crying because they can't figure out why all the old people are beating Elmo, and why Elmo has decided to fight back. So, now the men (after adjusting themselves) take the handle and wail on Elmo until they sever the body from the head. Patty, Breezy's sister, and I are all cracking up until we figure out that the kids aren't exicited to get the candy anymore. They didn't scamper to snatch it up, but kind of walked with trepidation toward it.

Moral(s) of the story
[1] If the sales chart didn't confirm this axiom, Elmo is one tough and resilient son of a %#*(@&%.
[2] Don't buy pinatas that are shaped like the cartoonish friends that kids see everyday and learn to read and write from.
[3] If you do decide against moral #2, don't extend the beating. Moreover, don't let Elmo knock you down.
[4] Grandmas are dangerous. They have the ability to unleash a fury that exceeds their physical limitations (and their often mild demeanor).
[5] Always go to parties where the opportunity for geriatric beatdowns of cartoon characters is a distinct possibility!

Oh, and you know there will be pictures!!!