Notes on Texas

1. The lingo is addictive and thereby worrisome. I caught myself writing (not saying, which is worse I think) the word "fixing." As in: "are you fixing to do x, y, or z?" To be fair, I was sick the entire trip and it could have therefore been the Dayquil talking. There is no hope for Patty, however, she already has a drawl.

2. Talking about the heat in Texas is to Texans, what talking about horrifying interviews is to doctoral candidates. Both are traumatic and thereby forge a wounded identification. Although it didn't get too terribly hot when we were there, we felt the potential in Dallas on the last day of our trip. Different kind of heat, less humidity than Illinois.

3. Big houses + low prices = Texas housing market. As it turns out, we didn't buy a big house, but there were some out there that were certifiably monstrous.

4. Texas law prohibits bidding competitions for a house/property. Seems very uncapitalistic in THE capitalistic state. Fortunately for *me*, Denton law prohibits homeowners from raising chickens in neighborhoods. Don't even get me started on this one...

5. Funniest thing I saw concerning the recent flu epidemic: a costco size bottle of hand sanitizer in a local coffeehouse that said "Swine Juice."

6. Can't count (literally) how many homes we walked into that had the Texas flag hanging *in the master bedroom.* We can now literally say that Texans get off on their home state...talk about romance.

7. The seller of the house we bought wants to retain mineral rights to the property!?!? I think that if anyone ruins our house/neighborhood digging for minerals, we are the ones who will benefit, thank you...

8. Will be very happy there. Lots of trees, lots of green grass, lots of good local places to eat, lots of good friends!

The Logics of Dentistry

Here's a question: why is it that dental hygienists floss your gums "after" they have spent the better half of an hour scraping on and in between your teeth with an ice pick? Is this an insurance policy that there is nothing whatsoever in between your teeth (as if there could be after a scrape-polish-rinse-repeat combination) or is it because they like to hurt people? This is why you floss yourself: once the string meets resistance, stop! This is not a contest to see how strong you are or how big of a guy you can make cry, it's a cleaning activity that should not produce wincing and tears...side note: I was seriously thinking that flossing could be a new form of torture for POWs as I am leaving the dentist's office...

And why is it that it is after this brutal activity that the hygienist tells you to floss more. These people need some serious help with rhetoric. Maybe hand the patient a warm cookie and then say, think about flossing more. Or perhaps a nice glass of water with a balloon. I'm sorry but a picture of a babbling brook with a quotation from Thoreau posted on the ceiling above my chair is not pacifying me at this point.

Good thing I didn't have any cavities. That would have sent me over the edge.

You know the books are bad when...

Against our better judgment, we rented Twilight last night---largely because so many of our friends "love" the books and "just can't put them down" etc. So we thought, might as well find out what all the fuss is about. Let me preface what I am about to say with an acknowledgment that I know many "real" Twilight series fans that didn't like the movie because it "misrepresented the complexity of the book by leaving a ton out." But are you serious? There's *nothing* "complex" about the narrative or any of the characters---to say nothing about the dialogue. Unless the movie grossly misrepresented the book, which I doubt, then I have some serious questions for some of you---you know who you are. Let me add, that this would be Nicholas Sparks territory if Nicholas Sparks movies were bad, which they aren't generally, given what you know you're getting. By the way, we have Nights in Rodanthe on the cue, so that claim may be revoked soon enough. And, no, I don't know how these things got into my house, but I am not happy about it.

Add to my irritation that these books are set not far from where I grew up...why do the Northwest like that? And as Patty said, why are all the bad guys always hanging out where we're from? As if this was a place where such things (vampires, werewolves) were stockpiled.

I guess what I am saying is that I don't get the draw. It literally confuses me that such writers gain national and international success for rearticulated what seems to me a rather simple and predictable plot. I mean, 'love at first sight' --- "we can't be friends" --- 'moody brooding sexy vampire' falls in love with a commoner (Did anyone see Interview with the Vampire?) --- "I'm not afraid of you" --- "you're like heroine to me" --- 'good vampires who can restrain themselves vs. cunning, vengeful vampires who only want to kill" --- werewolves trying to protect their territory (and don't even get me started on the film's representation of native americans).

So, I will be expecting those of who are Twilight fans to explain this to me...