New Job Idea!

Sorry it has been a while since we have posted, for those of you religious 'Nois readers gnashing your teeth (all three of you!)

So I had an idea for work if this whole doctor thing doesn't pan out. I think I could be a (quite successful) freelance political heckler. You know, go to rallies of the opposing party and try to throw off the candidate with my rhetorical savvy and rapier's wit. I might, for example, travel up to the Twin Cities this week (Lord knows I am close enough) for the Republication National Convention, make my way in (somehow) and play the chorus of Kanye West's Gold digger everytime John McCain references Sarah Palin--sing it with me, "Now I ain't sayin she's a golddigger, but she ain't messin with no broke . . ." well, you get the idea. Seriously, you really can't look at these two on stage without thinking about another, but substantially less-conservative power couple: J. Howard Marshall and Anna Nicole Smith. Even before Sarah Palin, I had a hard time disassociating John McCain from Mike Myers portrayal of Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers movies. I had visions of him going up to small children and saying, rather robotically, "c'mere, give daddy a hug" whilst they crying and running away scream "get away from me you lazy eyed psycho!"

Maybe the moral of the story (is this a story?) is if you are too easily caricatured, you automatically lose the election. This was John Kerry's (a.k.a Lurch from the Addams Family) problem, and although now we have plenty of caricatures for Bush (e.g. a monkey drinking his own pee), he was a little harder to tag. Al Gore . . . a bloated tranny addicted to botox or its organic equivalent, you get the idea.

So back to Palin, what an offensive wretch. Did she really, in her acceptance speech, make reference to Hilary Clinton as if their political values even began to match one another's? I mean, seriously, what is the criteria for creating a political sisterhood? Having a vah-jay-jay? Maybe the question Palin should be asking herself is: can I be a feminist and a republican simultaneously? Those who know me, and my scholarship, would chastise me for this rhetorical question whose answer is already built in ("no") but if you support a party that directly opposes women's rights and identifies with the most (violent) religious groups in the country, all the while listening to Rush Limbaugh, eating moose burgers, and polishing your NRA membership badge with Ted Nugent, you really only have one option. If McCain manages to win this race by "stealing" Hilary supporters through the act of "hiring" a female running mate, I am not going to consider myself an American, because that means I would be associated with the most unthinking collection of dupes in world history. Maybe Canada will take me back.

Anyway, back to this heckling gig. Based on the affective and physical response to such heckling, we could tell right away whether Republicans really valued the Constitution (e.g. freedom of speech) and wanted to get out of Viet-Iraq (e.g. if they kicked my @$$, they couldn't call themselves committed to peaceful opposition). Sure, I would be branded a terrorist by these guys, have my home justifiably tapped (thanks Patriot Act!), and be relegated to New Orleans (the place where the government doesn't care if you live or die), but I would be a hero to the Democrats, which, come to think of it, isn't really my goal in life. Plus, such heckling gestures would only diminish the truly groundbreaking message of hope that Barack Obama is offering to the country. Ok, no Kanye ghetto blasting, or nasty caricaturing, just blogging.

Back to work on the PhD, I guess [sigh]